Fallen from Fairytale

"Sometimes suffering alone is to prevent yourself from being a burden to the rest.
To make the rest around, perhaps slightly happier."

Haven't been blogging much these days especially when you are having attachment.

Anyway, I went for my virgin blood donation today, 5 Oct 2008. It wasn't like what I imagine and it feels good to able to give blood and perhaps save lives. Apart from the good feelings I experienced from donating blood, I felt pretty fucked up over the driving lesson yesterday. It was pretty much like a disaster movie, total disaster. But I swear I'll get it for the first time.

Weekends are mundane for me, especially you have almost no friends to hang out with. It's sad okay. Sometimes I wonder when I'm dead, who will be the ones coming to my funeral? What a sadistic way to express things but the hard cold truth. Perhaps I'm just thinking too much. I think I've absolute no confidence in myself to be able to own friends, the differences that set in environmentally makes me lose faith in believing that I'm a friend for someone. It is commonly known as Insecurity. Sometimes when I feelings like crapshit, which I did just after my fucked up driving lesson yesterday, I don't know who to turn to, I'm not sure if by telling them that will it reflect that I'm such a whiner or irritator. Then I wonder, why we no longer share our little secrets anymore or anything that we will be excited to be sharing with each other. Then I looked at myself, sometimes I really felt like I'm always the one that's holding on to it so tightly for fear that someday I might loosen it and everything will be gone, like helium balloons floating up into the sky. I just want to feel and be like a kid again, where everyone is friends and we are so free all these complicated emotions. Sometimes when you are trying to hard, you just want to cut the slack and not care, but in reality there's no way you can, you can only try harder and hoping that things will eventually work out and everyone is happy. Seriously, I don't ask for a lot, just achieving my goals, my family to be living well and good, and a handful of friends to share weal and woe. It's really enough. Friends and family meant a lot to me.
Think about it.

Loved and take care.